Gas Station Boyfriend

I have a gas station boyfriend. There, I said it. Our love is forbidden. Him working at a gas station, me working for the private art college. We come from different worlds, and sadly I think this is how it will remain. So for a few minutes in the morning, when I'm paying for my coffee, and he greets me in his usual, caring way, things are right in the world. The bill passes from my hand to his, and I know how he feels. He's easy on the eyes, and always has such a way with words. "Have a good day," he quips. He's a charmer, my gas station boyfriend. We don't bother with names or small talk, and if only society wasn't so cruel, maybe we could go public, but until then, we'll always have the French Roast.

YouTube Pick of the Day

Why am I so bad at posting?

An acting lesson from James Franco:

Walking is good for you and your dog

In my quest to be more environmentally friendly, fit and frugal, I've taken to walking just about anywhere possible. Of course this is easy in a city like Savannah, which was designed for walkers and horse and buggy. How do you continue this in a city that wasn't designed for this and in fact has a mentality of drive or die?

I was passed this wonderful website (http://walkscore.com/) which helps calculate the walking score of your neighborhood. Simply type in your address and walk score will find close restaurants, schools, libraries, etc. I think it is going to be a really great tool for me to use once I relocate, and if any of you are looking to do the same, I highly suggest you consider moving to a walking friendly neighborhood. Savannah has spoiled me forever. Down with the car...walking is the new black.

PS - My address in Savannah received a score of 95 out of 100. What did your address score?

My YouTube Pick of the Day

Sadly this reminds me of almost every male that went to college with me. Sad.

Helicopter Moms

I'm going to introduce you to a term you may not know. This is actually a good thing if you and your mother have already weathered the college admission process, and you are still on talking terms. I want to discuss the emergence of the "Helicopter Mother." Helicopter Mothers are given this term because they hover. You can usually spot them from a mile away. Often on college tours they may carry a legal pad or worse....a full out color-coded binder. They dominate conversations, often embarrass their spawn and annoy the hell out of admission counselors from Harvard to Brookhaven Community College. If they could sit with you at your desk as you receive every piece of mail and email, they would. A one page resume will not suffice for their little darling, we need to send a four pager going back to that t-shirt contest her darling won in 3rd grade. As she sends off any piece for her scholar's file, she'll call over and over until it has arrived, and you don't want to be the one to tell a Helicopter Mother that her genius did not receive a scholarship. This just cannot be possible. She has monitored this child's every moment since birth, banned any sort of freedoms, forced...um encouraged extracurriculars and APs, and has framed all art work.

Here's some advice to all of the mothers (or soon to be) out there. These admission counselors that you are annoying are usually dealing with several other mothers just like you with several other perfect children, and there is only so much one person can take. Keep in mind these people are deciding whether or not your kid gets in and/or get scholarships. Wouldn't you want them to be on your side, think you're swell, want to fight for you and throw money at you? This is not going to happen if you keep pissing them off! I'm not saying that admission counselors will take away or make an admission decision or scholarship bc of a mother, but they may be less likely to take a chance on an unknown kid who may not be that perfect.

I know it must be hard to take a step away and not hover. You want the best for them, you want them to become doctors, lawyers, famous painters, etc, but they aren't going to get there with you attached to their back. You are going to do them more good by handing over the college admission process and telling them they are the project manager, and you'll be there for support. They'll grow, take on responsibility, maybe impress their admission counselor, learn how to manage deadlines and maybe even get into college along the way. Here's the thing, if you do choose to hover, what happens when it is time to say goodbye on that fateful autumn day? You can't pack yourself in their truck, and you really shouldn't relocate just to be close to them. They'll need to get by on their own, and it is probably in their best interest that this isn't there first time. Helicopter mothers often produce train wreck freshmen whose freedom (the other sex, booze, no curfew, oh my) is a whole lot more fun than hitting the books.

Here are some helpful guidelines to keep you from becoming one of these dreaded beasts:

1) Chill Out - Almost all college admission criteria and answers are all on the web. So stop writing so feverishly. Take it all in and enjoy the scenery on a tour. You can't recreate that on a notepad.
2) If you need a question answered and you can't find it on the web, have your student call. This shows initiative. This especially goes for graduate students. If I have a graduate students mother call me, it is everything I can do not to label the kid's file "Weenie."
3) Remember that colleges receive thousands of applications and pieces of mail weekly and it isn't like your mailbox where it comes in a nice neat pile. We didn't lose your materials, they just haven't been processed yet, and you calling all the time isn't going to make it better.
4) If you really need an answer, email the counselor. We travel people! It is hard to be by our phones when we are on the road in a desert in Arizona.
5) Don't believe everything that you hear. Always research it for yourself, and if you can't find the answer, then call the school to clarify. Every school has rumors that swirl, and most of the time that is what the end up being, rumors.
6) Be understanding. Counselors are counselors because they want to see students succeed. We aren't bringing in the big bucks, we do this because we care. We want to do the best by the student. Keep in mind that we are dealing with several students at once, and you're not the only one going through this process. Counselors will want to fight for students who treat the process professionally.

Ok, I'll step down from my soap box. I know this entry does not really apply to anyone who reads my blog, but maybe it will someday, and if that's the case...remember keep your feet planted and step away from the binder and label machine.

Funny Dog

This may be lame to some, but I just had to post this video. It makes me chuckle.



I wonder if Brutus likes Watermelon?

Peanuts

As I prepare for my move to the big city, I realize that although the big city offers so many more amenities, it also comes with more expense. I'm writing to all of you, my avid readers (aka my grandparents), for any of your money saving tricks. I'm pretty frugal already, but I always welcome to tips that might help me survive on peanuts.

Why Not?

Moving to Atlanta

Now the blog is going to need a new title. Plus Courtney is moving home from London, so this whole thing is a bust. She'll be in Austin and not contributing, and I'll be in Atlanta and contributing when I feel the need to have my words floating around cyberspace. Any suggestions for a new title?

Charming

Those of you in the Facebook community know that I just returned from Morocco. Apart from daily harassment and offers of camels for my bod, I also apparently held a snake. Yes, I look happy and it was fun, when it was over. We went to check out the cobras and the next thing I knew I had this lovely reptile around my neck. Then I was being hassled for money. Last I checked I didn't pay people to scare the hell out of me. It happened so quickly. Thankfully I was able to dodge the crazy man who was running around with an albino monkey that I'm sure was a disease factory just ready to go all "Outbreak" on me.

What is my problem?

Why do I let the blog just fall by the wayside? I have pictures I could be posting. In fact a visibly drunk man told me this morning that I was vision. I think he literally meant that he could see me, but hey it is something. There are several items and happenings and general musings that are blog worthy, and yet they remain in my brain and never make it to the written word. I need some sort of encouragement.

New Bum on the Block

So I thought I would share my latest Savannah bum story with you all, my adoring readers. Thankfully, Lindsay happened to be on the phone with me when this happened, and she can therefore verify the truth of this conversation.

I was walking to the local grocery story one Sunday while catching up with Lins, and I definitely was not in my finest nor had I showered. There was a man carrying on in front of me, but after you've lived in this town for awhile, these types have a tendency to become part of the everyday scenery. He slowed, and I began to gain on him. As I approached he slowly turned around and spotted me. At first I thought he was going to ask for money, but no that wasn't what he wanted. He asked for my number.

"I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend," I fibbed.

"That's ok. I have a girlfriend," he replied.

"I'm not sure if she'd like you asking me for my number then," I said in a joking, ok now don't get fresh with me manner.

"Well you tell your boyfriend something for me," he started. Then he paused to collect his obviously profound thoughts. As he began again, I had a feeling this was going to be good. "You tell your boyfriend, if beauty were a minute, you'd be an entire year."

Yes, I would be an entire year folks. You heard it here first, or actually Lindsay heard it first and then burst into much deserved laughter as my homeless suitor proceeded to cross the street in search of either his next conquest or his girlfriend.

Director of Pet Relations

My hotel in Portland, Oregon is called Hotel Monaco. It is such a fun, sassy hotel, but the best part about it is that it has a "Director of Pet Relations", and it is a yellow lab which greets all the other pets that come to stay at the hotel. His name is Art. More puppy love in Oregon. I love this state!

Carnivore

Sometimes you just need to lay down the fork and knife and grab the cow by the bone.

Brooke's Travel Tips - What not to say

Now that I'm a seasoned traveller both near and far, I think I can share with you some of the phrases you might not want to say in an airport, on a plane, in security or just whenever. These are actual phrases I've heard...not even kidding.

"Apparently I'm a security threat."

"This airport is closed and you are all suckers for getting on that flight. That flight is going no where."

"So I just had my colon exam..."

"Miss, I can't get any reception up here."

"I'm flying home to help my brother be committed to a mental institution so that he won't have to go to jail for selling meth."

"I got kicked out of fat camp for sneaking out to buy alcohol and Doritos."

"I accidentally spilled some gasoline on my shoe."

"Can I take my bow and arrow set through security?"

"People used to be really impressed with my forklift driving abilities, but now that I operate the tablet machinery, I really pick up the ladies."

"My baby is only 3 weeks old." (On a flight from Atlanta to Phoenix)

"No, I told you, each girl costs $200 an hour."

You Love Me, You Really Love Me

This is an email that I received from one Nancy Underwood. I had to share it so that you all know that I have a fan base, one fan strong and counting.

Brooke,
As you are the funniest person I know, I am begging you to please post some great new stories on your blog! Friday is hard, I'm sleepy,
I'm writing the most boring legal documents ever. DISTRACT ME!
NCU

I will do what I can to entertain you all. :)

Arizona Hike

I'm in Phoenix, and I wanted to do something...anything really. I googled "Things to do in Phoenix" and a very helpful list popped up. It took me to a state park in the middle of Phoenix where you can go on several hiking trails. According to the article, the state park is a very highly traveled destination and the particular path I hiked, is taken by 7,000 to 10,000 people a week! It looked easy enough, but man was I hurting about 1/4 of the way up, huffing and puffing and trying not to fall into a cactus. It didn't help that it is 90 outside! At least it was a good way to get my heart rate up. I think I definitely deserve some sort of reward...one in the cheesecake or ice cream category.

Please Get Behind This

You all have heard the horror stories about all the travelers (including myself - many times) who had flights cancelled or delayed this summer. It was ridiculous. Now we can actually do something about it. Please use the box below and join the Smart Skies campaign. This campaign is urging Congress to update the severely outdated traffic control systems used by the US and distribute taxes evenly among all who use our friendly skies.

You all might not have experienced this, but I travel for a living, and I've seen this happen quite a bit. Please email and save my sanity.

Mew Mew Beep Beep

You've read about them in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and if you are like me, then you probably thought the author was fudging the truth about some of his characters found in Savannah, Georgia. How could there possibly be this many wack-jobs walking the streets in such a small town? I now completely believe the writings of John Berendt and the tales of his Savannah crazies. I would like to highlight the two that I've had encounters with in the last 24 hours.

Ecounter #1
My co-worker, Jenny, and I were headed to get ourselves some grub, when we came across an entire litter of kittens trying to cross the road. Since we both wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing we had let them continue this death wish(Mother Teresa move over), we stopped the car to try and save them. They were trying to cross the street because their mother was on the other side. As soon as we approached, they all darted in between the slats of a white picket fence and into the overgrown grass and up a palm tree that was close by. I'm a dog whisperer, and I don't speak kitten, but apparently the man we met next did speak cat. He approached us and introduced himself as "The Governor" and asked what we were doing. We explained, but he cut us off after seeing the cats. He told us he had run a shelter for 20 years in New Mexico, and he knew what to do and was going to teach us. He then started making these weird sounds and unfortunately, writing cannot do it justice. He sort of squated and squealed, "Mew, mew, beep, beep, beep." After doing this several times, he said, "Now see, the kittens are in what is called an inducive state, and they are reacting to me as a mother." He then turned to us and said, "I speak 20 languages including Coon-ass." "Mew, mew, beep, beep, beep," he continued. As we kept trying to get out of this weird situation, we attempted to interrupt, but he wanted to then analyze Jenny's personality. We left him climbing the fence to get the cats while they were in their inducive (what the heck?) state.

Encounter #2
You all have probably heard me talk about this lady. She is most certainly crazy, and she sits in one of the squares and yells at people. My first experience with her was when I was walking through the square and she kept yelling, "Move on slut! Keep on slut!" Yes it was startling at first, but highly entertaining to be yelled out in the middle of the afternoon by a crazy person on a Wednesday. I've had sightings of her since then, usually from afar, and she was mumbling mostly. Then she took up residence at the gas station within view of my balcony. This was like my own live dinner theater. I could sit and watch her yell at people while enjoying my meal. I didn't know my apartment had this ammenity. My landlord could have probably charged at least $50.00 more if he knew how much pleasure I would get out of this sight. Then today, I'm walking through her old square, and there she was on her favorite bench. I hadn't been confronted by her in awhile, but as we passed, she didn't let me down. "Hello ladies? What ya doin ladies? Ladies, ladies, ladies," she spoke as she rocked back and forth. Then as we came back from getting coffee, she was holding a tape recorder and talking about her love of pineapples and what she liked to do with pineapples. I wonder how I can get a copy of that tape?

Down with Delta!

That's it. I'm fed up. How many times can one person be stranded in an airport? Why is it that unlike any other business, we, the consumer, have no voice when it comes to the airlines?

I got to Chicago O'Hare 2 hours early. I checked in, security was a breeze and then I arrive at my gate only to realize that my flight to Cincinnati was delayed by four hours because of "equipment problems". I then come to find out that equipment problems is fancy Delta lingo for "the plane is very very late." Why was I allowed to check in and send my luggage into the big black hole? Who knows...maybe it is because the Delta people are all smoking the ganja in their lounge as their customer service (aka hell in line form) grows longer and longer.

Flights all around me are cancelled or extremely delayed. Did Delta lose all of their planes? Oh what great comfort. As ticket agents who obviously were bewildered and possibly not even trained passed people on to other lines, a red headed dude, who I mentally nicknamed "[Bad Word] Face," sauntered up to the counter and proceeded to just stand there for a good 30 minutes. How much time in prison would I do if I started a revolt in Chicago O'Hare? I have no priors, so that should be in my favor, right? All of you lawyers out there, please feel free to comment. I'm seriously considering this as an option. Hey, if I end up in prison at least I'll have a bed to sleep in instead a piece of badly designed airport carpet.

So I'm blogging to at least voice an opinion. I just saw a report on CNN (the only station they ever show in airports...depression much?) that said there were over 20,000 flights cancelled in the month of June in the US. How can these airlines run their business this way? I know...we have no freaking choice! Gas prices are so high, flying is cheaper in alot of cases, but it is in no way faster anymore. Example 1: In June it took me 30 hours to fly from Dallas to Savannah. Driving there takes 20 hours. Example 2: Today and tomorrow, I will have traveled for 32 hours in order to get back to Savannah from Chicago. It isn't like many other service options where you can just stop buying their product or go to another store. Sometimes they are the only option and this gives them the luxury of treating all of their passengers like dog doo without consideration to their time, belongings or life that awaits at their destination. There has got to be a way to hold them accountable. So if any of you know how I can complain and get ...a million frequent flyer miles in return, then please let me know.

I'm going to get off of my soap box, but I will conclude with one statement. Delta has messed with me the last time. I am going to use my frequent flyer miles and then stop flying them. This will give me the chance to hate another airline.

I am now seated on the floor next to a chubby boy who was given a highly toxic marker from a Delta agent. I'm pretty sure these markers aren't even made anymore and if they are, you probably have to show ID and have a background check. He has drawn a picture of me with a huge afro and a see through dress where you can see every inch of my stick figure body. If I end up with brain damage from the fumes, Delta is responsible.